You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
