Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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