Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
