i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
