Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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