Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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