they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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