Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
