id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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