I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
