if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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