he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
