She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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