too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
