There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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