Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
