Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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