He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize