You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
did i just pee glitter
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
