Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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