I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
