He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
