Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize