Yo dont text me then not text me
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
