Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
ttyl tear gas
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
