it wasn't lemon gatorade
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
this is an emotional support booty call
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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