i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
