I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
