you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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