im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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