Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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