I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
