What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
