i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize