Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
