Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
