I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
