it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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