We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
