Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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