I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
