I'm laying in your front yard are you home
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
try to milk me bitch
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
