You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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