My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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