You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize