i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
