i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
