I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
