I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
