I wish i was in the wii world.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
