um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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