why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize