We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
