He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
