that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
