I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
