Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
