I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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