Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize