so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize