Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I look better un-naked...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
