Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
