He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
